Caring for Your Grieving Heart Over the Holidays
Because “the most wonderful time of the year” can also be the heaviest.
The holidays have a way of stirring things up — twinkly lights, familiar songs, smells of cookies or pine — they all hold echoes of what was. For those who are grieving, this season can feel like walking through a minefield of memories. You might feel guilty for not feeling joyful, resentful of the cheer around you, or exhausted from trying to keep up.
Let’s name it: this is grief. And it’s okay if it doesn’t feel merry or bright.
Below are a few ways to care for your grieving heart this holiday season — ways to soften the edges, tend to your needs, and make space for both sorrow and joy.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel It All
You don’t owe anyone a perfectly composed holiday version of yourself. If you need to cry, skip traditions, or leave early — do it. If you want to laugh or celebrate something small, do that too. Grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow the calendar. Let your emotions coexist; you can miss someone deeply and still enjoy moments of warmth or laughter.
Try this: Pick one word to guide you through the season — maybe gentle, ease, or intentional — and let that be your compass.
2. Redefine What the Holidays Look Like for You
Traditions can be beautiful, but they can also be painful reminders. It’s okay to change them, pause them, or create new ones that fit where you are now. Maybe that means baking one special recipe instead of a dozen. Maybe it’s celebrating quietly, volunteering, or traveling somewhere new. There’s no “right” way to do the holidays after loss — only the way that honors your heart.
Try this: Choose one tradition to keep, one to skip, and one new thing to try this year.
3. Set Boundaries Before You Burn Out
Holiday gatherings can be emotionally loaded. Protect your peace by setting limits — on time, energy, and conversation. If you know certain topics or events feel too heavy, plan your escape route: drive separately, have a code word with a trusted person, or give yourself a time limit.
Try this: Before each event, check in with your body — Do I have the capacity for this? If not, it’s okay to say no.
4. Honor Your Person (or Loss) in a Tangible Way
Grief often wants expression — not suppression. Light a candle, hang an ornament, cook their favorite dish, or write them a letter. You could even create a small ritual: a toast, a walk, a song, a moment of silence. These gestures keep their memory woven into your life story in ways that feel sacred and intentional.
Try this: Create a “memory moment” — one small act that lets love and remembrance coexist with the season.
5. Get Clear on Your Values
When everything feels uncertain, reconnecting with your values helps guide what matters most. Ask yourself: What do I actually want to feel or prioritize this season? Maybe it’s connection, rest, or simplicity. Let your choices — how you spend time, who you say yes to, what you let go of — reflect those values. This is how you rebuild from a place that feels like you again.
Try this: Write down your top three values for this season. Let them shape your “holiday plan” — even if that plan is just “stay cozy and survive.”
6. Let Support In
You don’t have to hold it all alone. Reach out — to a friend, grief group, therapist, or online community. Sometimes, just saying, “The holidays are hard for me,” can open a door to connection. Grief softens when it’s witnessed. Let people show up for you — even if you don’t know what to ask for.
Try this: Make a short “support list” — three people or spaces you can turn to when the heaviness hits.
Final Thoughts
Caring for your grieving heart doesn’t mean fixing your grief — it means tending to it with gentleness, honesty, and compassion. The holidays might never feel the same, but that doesn’t mean they can’t hold meaning again. Let this season be what it needs to be — messy, tender, quiet, or even surprisingly joyful.
You are allowed to take up space in your grief, even amid the glitter and noise.