The Grieving Teenager: What’s Going On & How You Can Help
Grief in teenagers can be tough to recognize and even tougher to support. They’re in this in-between stage of life—no longer little kids, but not quite adults—trying to process a huge emotional experience while also juggling school, friends, hormones, and figuring out who they are. It’s a lot.
If you're parenting or caring for a teen who’s grieving, it can feel overwhelming. You might not know what to say, how to help, or if what you’re seeing is “normal.” This post is here to help you understand what grief can look like for teens and how you can support them through it—even when they don’t have the words to tell you what they need.
First, Let’s Talk About Teens & Grief
Teenagers (ages 13-18) do understand death. They get that it’s permanent, that there’s no escape from it, and that all living things will eventually die. But while they might grasp those concepts cognitively, emotionally they’re still developing—and grieving in the midst of all the other chaos that comes with being a teen: identity formation, peer pressure, academic stress, hormones, and navigating independence.
Teens often struggle with big “What if” and “Why” questions and can feel deeply conflicted by guilt, regret, or confusion. On top of that, they may be dealing with peer shifts—some friends pulling away because they don’t know what to say, while others step up in unexpected ways.
Here’s what makes teen grief complicated:
They’re trying to fit in while managing feelings that completely set them apart.
They may crave independence but also become clingy or regress into childlike behaviors.
They hate being treated differently, even if they are fundamentally changed by their loss.
Common Behaviors in Grieving Teens
Every teenager is different, but here are some signs that grief is present and real—even if they’re not talking about it:
Fear of the dark or going to bed
Afraid of hospitals or doctors
Repeated physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
Clinginess to a parent or caregiver
Academic struggles or dropping grades
Intense anger or mood swings
Nightmares or disrupted sleep
Overprotectiveness of siblings or friends
Grief doesn’t always look like crying or talking. Sometimes it shows up in silence, irritability, or seeming “fine” while falling apart inside.
Suicide: What You Need to Know
This is the part we don’t want to talk about—but have to. Grief in teens can sometimes intersect with suicidal thoughts, especially if they’re already dealing with depression, anxiety, or trauma. Here are a few facts that matter:
Suicide is on the rise in teens (source)
Approximately 50% of all people who die by suicide have previously self-harmed (source)
Having firearms in the home increases risk (source)
Always take suicide talk seriously.
Never assume a teen is “just seeking attention.”
A teen who has attempted once is not safe from trying again.
Warning signs of suicide in teens include:
Talking about wanting to die
Giving away possessions
Withdrawal from family and friends
Obsession with death or darkness
Decline in school performance
Changes in sleep or appetite
Drug or alcohol use
Mood swings, impulsive risk-taking
If you notice any of these, trust your gut. It’s always better to act and be wrong than ignore a cry for help.
How to Support Your Grieving Teen
Supporting a grieving teen can feel like walking on eggshells, but here’s the truth: you don’t need to have the perfect words. You just need to show up consistently and offer connection without pressure.
Here’s what helps:
Validate their grief. Don’t try to fix it or compare it to your own. Say things like “That sounds really hard” or “I’m here for you whenever you want to talk.”
Create structure, but allow flexibility. Teens benefit from routine, but they also need grace. Expect changes in schoolwork, sleep, and mood—and don’t take it personally.
Normalize other forms of expression. Not all teens want to talk. Offer creative outlets like journaling, drawing, music, or even collage-making. Don’t push them to talk—just make space for it.
Be proactive about mental health support. If you're concerned, reach out to a school counselor, therapist, or grief center like Annie’s Hope. Early intervention can save a life.
Let them be the expert of their own grief. Some days they’ll want to laugh, others they’ll shut down. Let it be messy. Let them cry at midnight and laugh at memes by morning. That’s grief.
Final Thoughts from Your Chief Griefologist
Teen grief is complex, layered, and not always visible. But it’s there and it deserves attention, compassion, and care. If you’re parenting a grieving teen, give yourself some grace too. You don’t have to be a perfect guide, just a steady one.
You’ve got this. And if you ever feel like you don’t, I’m here—because none of us should have to grieve (or parent through grief) alone.
Need more resources?
Check out www.annieshope.org or email them at kidsgriefmatters@annieshope.org.