Grief vs. Mourning: What’s the Difference?

We often use the words grief and mourning interchangeably. And while they’re closely related, they’re not the same thing. Understanding the difference isn’t just a language lesson—it can actually help you better name your experience, give yourself grace, and choose the kind of support you need.

Grief is what you feel.

Grief is the internal experience of loss. It’s the thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions that bubble up after something or someone important is no longer there.

It’s private.
It’s messy.
It’s uniquely yours.

Grief can look like:

• A sudden wave of sadness that hits you in the grocery store

• A constant dull ache in your chest

• Guilt for feeling “okay” one moment, and devastated the next

• Sleepless nights, forgetfulness, or a total loss of appetite

• Numbness, anger, or even laughter in unexpected moments

Grief lives inside you. It doesn’t follow a script. And it doesn’t always look the way people expect it to.

Mourning is what you do.

Mourning is the outward expression of your grief. It’s the way your inner experience shows up in the world—through rituals, conversations, tears, silence, art, or traditions.

It’s the black dress at a funeral. It’s lighting a candle on a birthday. It’s the tattoo, the playlist, the journal full of letters you’ll never send. It’s telling a story about the one you lost—because saying their name keeps them close.

Mourning is how we honor grief in action. It gives grief a voice.

Why the difference matters

When we confuse the two, we might think we’re “not grieving right” because we haven’t cried, or because we’re smiling in a photo, or because we went back to work. But grief doesn’t require a performance. It’s not always visible.

Mourning, on the other hand, can be limited by culture, expectation, or comfort. Some people are never taught how to mourn. Others don’t feel safe or supported enough to do it openly.

But both grief and mourning are important. They’re two parts of the same story.

Grief is the love and pain that lives inside you.
Mourning is the way you carry it into the world.

You don’t have to do either alone.

Whether you’re deep in your grief or figuring out how to mourn in a way that feels true to you, there’s no wrong way. But there is support. You deserve spaces that honor both your silent ache and your loud sorrow. You deserve people who get it—even if just a little.

And if no one around you seems to understand, just know: you’re not broken. You’re grieving. And you’re doing the best you can.

Related reading:
➡️ [The Five Dimensions of Grief]
➡️ [Why We Struggle to Talk About Grief]