What is Grief?

Understanding the Reality of Grief Beyond Stereotypes and Myths

Grief is More Than Just Sadness

When most people hear the word "grief," they immediately associate it with sadness. But grief is so much more than that. It is an emotional, physical, social, and even spiritual response to loss. And most importantly, grief is not just about death.

Grief can be triggered by any major loss, such as:

🔹 The end of a significant relationship (breakup, divorce, or estrangement)
🔹 Career shifts or job loss
🔹 Moving away from a place that feels like home (this is a bit different from an adjustment disorder).
🔹 Identity shifts, including changes in health or life roles
🔹 The loss of a dream or expectation for the future

In short, grief is the emotional response to any loss that disrupts our sense of normalcy.

How Society Misunderstands Grief

Grief has long been treated as something temporary—something that should follow a linear path and eventually disappear. Many of us have heard messages like:

❌ "You need to find closure." ❌ "It’s time to move on." ❌ "You should be over this by now." ❌ "At least you still have [insert something ‘positive’]."

The problem with these statements is that they frame grief as something that should be rushed or "fixed," when in reality, grief is a process, not a problem.

Grief is Personal, Unpredictable, and Unique

Grief doesn’t follow a universal timeline. Some people may process their grief quickly, while others may experience waves of it years later. Neither is wrong.

In fact, research shows that grief is deeply personal and is influenced by factors like:

🔹 The nature of the loss (sudden vs. expected, traumatic vs. peaceful)
🔹 The griever’s relationship with the person or thing lost
🔹 Cultural and societal beliefs around mourning
🔹 Individual personality and coping mechanisms

The Danger of Pathologizing Grief

In recent years, grief has been increasingly medicalized, with prolonged grief being classified as a disorder. The Dougy Center’s Becoming Grief-Informed report highlights the dangers of viewing grief as an illness rather than a natural human experience. It argues that grief has been moved from a shared, community-based experience to an isolated, medical issue that professionals must ‘treat.’

This shift has led many people to feel as though their grief is "wrong" if it lasts too long or manifests in unexpected ways. But the truth is, grief doesn’t need to be fixed—it needs to be understood.

What Can We Do?

✅ Acknowledge that grief doesn’t have an endpoint. It changes over time, but it doesn’t just disappear.
✅ Support people without judgment. Instead of offering quick fixes, simply listen. There is so much power in empathy and companioning someone in their grief.
✅ Normalize conversations about grief. The more we talk about it, the less isolating it becomes.
✅ Allow space for different grief experiences. There’s no single "right" way to grieve.

Final Thoughts: Giving Grief the Space It Deserves

Grief is an inevitable part of life, yet many people feel alone in their pain. By understanding what grief truly is—and rejecting outdated beliefs about how we "should" grieve—we can create a culture that supports, rather than isolates, those experiencing loss.

This is just the beginning of a much-needed conversation. Stay tuned for more insights, tools, and support as we continue to explore what it means to grieve in a way that feels right for you. 💙

References

Schuurman, D. L., & Mitchell, M. B. (2020). Becoming grief-informed: A call to action.

Dougy Center: National Grief Center for Children & Families. www.dougy.org

 https://www.dougy.org/articles/becoming-grief-informed-a-call-to-action