What Mental Health Recovery Can Teach Us About Grief
Grief isn’t something you just “get over.” It’s a process—a messy, nonlinear, deeply personal journey that reshapes who you are. And while grief and mental health recovery are different experiences, a groundbreaking study on psychiatric recovery offers some powerful lessons about what it truly means to heal after loss. Spoiler: it’s not about forgetting, moving on, or finding closure.
A study by Mancini, Hardiman, and Lawson (2005) looked at how people with serious psychiatric disabilities recovered, not just in terms of symptom reduction, but in reclaiming a sense of identity, meaning, and purpose. Sound familiar? It should—because this is the core of what it means to live with grief.
Let’s break down how their findings apply to grief and why they might just shift the way you think about your own healing.
1. Grief Changes Your Identity—And That’s Okay
The study found that mental health recovery wasn’t about erasing symptoms, but about shifting identity—moving from an "illness-dominated" self to one centered on growth and meaning.
In grief, we go through a similar transformation. Who you were before loss and who you are now? Not the same person. And that’s okay. Grief isn’t just about missing someone; it’s about figuring out who you are without them here.
Instead of trying to “go back to normal,” healing means creating a new normal—one that includes your loss but doesn’t define you solely by it.
2. The People Around You Matter (A Lot)
One of the most important factors in psychiatric recovery? Supportive relationships.
People who had family, friends, or professionals who believed in them were more likely to thrive. And those who connected with peers who had been through similar experiences? Game-changers.
Grief works the same way. The people in your life can either help or hinder your healing. Well-meaning but unhelpful people will tell you to “move on.” But those who truly get it—who sit in the discomfort with you, who validate your emotions, who remind you that you’re still allowed to live—can be lifelines.
3. Forced Healing Doesn’t Work
Another major barrier to recovery? Paternalistic, coercive approaches. Participants in the study talked about professionals who meant well but ultimately disempowered them by taking away their choices and treating them like fragile, broken people.
Sound familiar?
Grief is often met with a timeline you never agreed to. Society says, “You should be over it by now.” People ask, “Aren’t you better yet?” But here’s the truth: no one gets to decide how long you grieve. Just like in mental health recovery, real healing happens when you are given the space and support to move through it on your terms.
4. Meaningful Engagement Helps (But It’s Not a Quick Fix)
The study found that engaging in work, hobbies, and social activities was crucial in helping people reclaim their sense of self. Not as a way to ignore their struggles, but as a way to reconnect with life beyond their diagnosis.
In grief, this doesn’t mean staying busy to avoid your pain. It means finding ways to re-engage with life that feel aligned with who you are now. Maybe it’s creating art, volunteering, pursuing something you put on hold. Maybe it’s as simple as allowing yourself to find joy without guilt.
This isn’t about distraction—it’s about integration. You are not “moving on” from your grief; you are moving forward with it.
5. You Should Have the Right to Choose What Helps You Heal
A key takeaway from the study? People recovered best when they had choices. Some benefited from medication, others from therapy, alternative treatments, or peer support. The common denominator? They got to decide.
Grief is no different. Some people find comfort in therapy, others in spirituality, movement, writing, or connecting with nature. There is no one right way to grieve. The important thing is having the freedom to figure out what helps you—without judgment.
The Bottom Line? Recovery (and Grief) is a Process, Not a Destination
The study’s biggest message is this: healing is not about erasing pain, but about transforming it. It’s about reclaiming identity, finding meaning, building relationships, and deciding what works for you.
Grief isn’t something to be “fixed.” It’s something to be carried—with love, with intention, and with the understanding that even in the darkest moments, you are still allowed to move forward.
So if you’ve ever felt like you’re “doing grief wrong,” let this be your reminder: you’re not. You’re doing it in the only way that makes sense for you. And that’s exactly right.
Reference: Mancini et al (2005) Making Sense of It All