Your Feelings Are Valid. Your Actions Might Not Be.
Grief can feel all-consuming. It shakes your world, floods your heart with big, hard emotions, and leaves you moving through life with a rawness others can’t always see. And let’s get this part straight right from the start:
Your feelings are valid. All of them.
The anger, the sadness, the bitterness, the jealousy, the relief, the numbness—every single feeling that comes with grief deserves space and acknowledgment. No one gets to tell you what you should feel or how long you should feel it.
But here’s the gentle nudge I want to offer today:
While your feelings are yours and always valid—your actions become other people’s experiences. And that’s where we need to tread carefully.
Grief Doesn’t Give Us a Free Pass
Grief is not an excuse to treat people poorly. It’s not a free pass to lash out, cross boundaries, or expect others to tolerate hurtful behavior indefinitely. Does that mean you need to be perfectly composed and kind 100% of the time while grieving? Absolutely not. You are human, and grieving humans are messy.
But there’s a difference between having a rough day and making a habit of taking your grief out on others. It’s okay to say, “I’m struggling today—can we talk later?” It’s not okay to repeatedly belittle or guilt someone and expect them to keep showing up unchanged.
Actions Have Consequences…Even When You’re Grieving
This is the hardest part to accept when you’re in the thick of grief: the world keeps spinning. The people around you are navigating their own lives, their own limits, and their own feelings about your grief and behavior. They might step up with compassion. They might step back to protect their own well-being. Both are valid responses.
If someone chooses to set a boundary or create distance because your grief-fueled actions have been hurtful—that doesn’t mean your grief is wrong. It means their boundary is right for them. And that’s okay, too.
Compassion + Accountability
Here’s what this all comes down to: you can hold space for your pain while being mindful of how you move through the world with it.
A few reminders to guide you:
Feel everything. Your feelings are sacred ground.
Name it, don’t aim it. When possible, express your grief through words, creativity, or safe outlets—not by hurting others.
Apologize when needed. Grief is messy. If you’ve crossed a line, own it. Repair matters.
Respect others’ limits. They have a right to step back, even if it’s hard to accept.
Get support. Therapy, grief groups, trusted friends—lean on people who can hold your grief with you, so you’re not carrying it alone or inadvertently placing it on others.
Final Thoughts: No Shade or Shame.
This post isn’t here to shame or blame anyone. It’s here as a gentle reminder that while grief is deeply personal, we still exist in relationship with others. The more compassion and accountability we can bring to that space, the more likely we are to stay connected—to others and to ourselves—in ways that honor both the depth of our grief and the dignity of those around us.